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missing you

   I got invited in a Baby Shower recently and it took me by surprise.  It's been a long time since I've been invited to a baby shower, although I've had friends popping out babies right and left,  and I don't even know this pregnant lady well.  Then it hit me.  
   She is part of a community I'm new too, and within the new community, Benji and I are considered a family.  It's not a community where I've had a high profile divorce, like with the Burners, even though it's been years. 
   I guess I don't understand why getting divorced had to change  friendships when it had nothing to do with them.  I've tried not to take it personally, every time I hear of another Baby Shower or Wedding I'm not invited too.  I try to remember that one can't invite everyone to these.  I just didn't expect to be treated differently after getting divorced.  That decision didn't mean anything against the married women in the community.  I'm sorry that I asked y'all to support that relationship, and then couldn't support it myself.  Please forgive me. 
At what point do I get to shake off this past?
   I also understand that I'm not good at keeping up relationships with girlfriends.  And if that is the cause of this, then it's a reasonable one.  It's a two way street, and I can't repair it alone.
I'm sad, and I miss you.

Comments

( 23 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
efffie
May. 8th, 2009 06:33 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
I would LOVE to go to your Shower. I am so Happy for you.
*many*hugs*
gyesika
May. 8th, 2009 06:41 pm (UTC)
*hug* I've lost friends through the divorce process, mostly because I lost my shit and behaved badly. But that's a two way street, I'm not sure that I was all attached to those relationships.

I feel closer to the community, now, because of being single I think. Part of that is without a partner (besides Chewy, the best primary I could have ;>) I feel the need to get my social needs met through platonic relationships and interactions. In a totally hokey way, I think the community has filled the role of a primary, in the last year.

I *know* that you are loved and adored cause everytime I see you, someone mentions your awesomeness. No joke.

And, I'm usually at the house, open invitation to stop by whenever. :)

Lastly, I work at Riverside and S. Congress, perhaps we could get lunch sometime?
efffie
May. 8th, 2009 09:31 pm (UTC)
Thanks.
Yes, lunch would be awesome.
Maybe Monday or Friday next week?
fulguritus
May. 8th, 2009 07:33 pm (UTC)
That's interesting to me that you were treated differently. You and B seem sooooo much more suited to each other. And D&J too.

You are a bit shy/quiet sometimes, when you were w/ D YOU were higher profile, I think that's more what's changed. How close are you with these other women currently? I think you hit it on the head when you suggested that your relationships aren't tight with girlfriends. It's usually your tight friends you'd invite.

I'm pretty bad about keeping up with people I don't see much. I'm a very face-time friend. I hang out with the people I run into most. It's hard for me to keep up friendships with people if I have to figure out ways to see them.

I really have no advice, my tight circle shifts over time. I love every single one of my bridesmaids, but I don't see them very often. Our lives revolved away from the old center point.

Good luck with this friend adventure. You are loved~
efffie
May. 8th, 2009 09:27 pm (UTC)
Thanks for speaking honestly. Being with someone high profile in the community, i.e. D, did make me high profile. I've tried to keep that profile by joining CC and becoming a Lead, as well as to stay close to the community. But, I'm still not as close as I used to be, in some ways. I guess it's natural for relationships to shift... And for some to have less in common with me...
I've definitely shy now, when I show up to an event where I know 40 people or more... It can be so overwhelming... and I understand men so much better then women, women are a mystery to me. maybe that belief is part of my problem. Much Thanks for your comment.
efffie
May. 11th, 2009 10:56 pm (UTC)
Do you still need a flipside ticket?
fulguritus
May. 12th, 2009 02:13 am (UTC)
I don't, but thank you!
tanjent
May. 8th, 2009 07:39 pm (UTC)
*hug*

miss you too, but for different reasons
efffie
May. 8th, 2009 09:28 pm (UTC)
Will you be at the flippydoodle?
Will I get to see you?
tanjent
May. 8th, 2009 09:42 pm (UTC)
Yes and yes. :)
birdalicious
May. 8th, 2009 11:45 pm (UTC)
If it makes any difference at all, I also often times feel isolated and left out of my community too. When it is happening, I tend to look outwards for a cause, but as I get older I think I'm realizing that it simply cycles. You are defintely correct about the two-way street thingy. I try really hard not to get upset at girlfriends who don't call me when I'm not calling them either. I hope maybe Flipside helps you reconnect and start to feeling better. You're a cool lady, who deserves to feel loved. :-)
efffie
May. 11th, 2009 12:12 am (UTC)
Thanks Bird!
I've always thought you were really cool, too. Maybe a little shy sometimes. :) I wish I ran into you more often. I hope your world is treating you wonderfully. *hug*
heatherthegreat
May. 9th, 2009 03:32 am (UTC)
I miss you too! My whole being lights up when I see you! Let's make a plan! Stuart and I are going to see Star Trek at the IMAX on Thursday at 7p, if we can still get tix. Wanna go?
efffie
May. 11th, 2009 12:07 am (UTC)
Benji and I are available!
Confirm that you are going and I'll buy tickets for Benji and I.
:) It will be great to hang, and I'm such a Trekie, I'm dieing to see the movie!
Effie
heatherthegreat
May. 11th, 2009 04:17 am (UTC)
We bought tix!!! Go here to get tickets: http://bit.ly/pgN1Y

YAY!!!!!
mscaution
May. 9th, 2009 03:29 pm (UTC)
Hey sugar- glad we had a chance to hang last night! I haven't been social in a while-

One thing I noticed change is when I had Celeste, it was pretty appealing to have folks over that had kids because they would distract each other and I could hold a conversation for longer than 2 seconds.

It is hard to remember to make sure to see kid-free folks too-
love to you!
Caution

efffie
May. 11th, 2009 12:10 am (UTC)
I had a great time hanging out also. Celeste is so wonderful. It was nice seeing how her world works. I just need to remember to get my "being with girls" time in...
(Deleted comment)
efffie
May. 11th, 2009 12:19 am (UTC)
I think, for me that, I just don't have enough experience communicating with them, and letting my guard down, and it being ok. I hate it when anxiety controls how I act. I think it takes practice. Now that I'm spending less time chasing boys, I can focus more on girl friendships.
lady_magma
May. 10th, 2009 05:19 pm (UTC)
I don't think we've ever had much of a chance to really get to know one another yet..

It was great seeing you at both David's birthday dinner and the Snuggle back in February.

I know a lot of people, I'm not tight w/many.. it takes time and effort from both to earn that status.

I hope there are more opportunities for us to get to know each other more.

I will be at Flipside... it'll be my first time, too!
efffie
May. 11th, 2009 12:23 am (UTC)
Hey, it's good to hear from you. Though I might run into you at the PBF party. Maybe next time... Yes, Time and effort from both... I guess I sometimes want the reward without the work... and maybe that cames from not understanding friendship dynamics well. I am a work in progress. :)
lady_magma
May. 11th, 2009 10:36 pm (UTC)
it would have been nice to see you (and others) at the PBF party, unfortunately wasn't able to make it.


.. we are *all* works in progress :)
uuscullyfan
May. 11th, 2009 10:30 pm (UTC)
I sure wish I were closer-- purely geographically-- to you! You (and Benji) are welcome in San Jose anytime. Hugs.
( 23 comments — Leave a comment )