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   I have this belief that everyone should like me, and everyone would want to be my friend, like facebook for example...
But I've found souls that don't want to be friends on facebook... Or groups that I once identified myself with, that I routinely don't get invited to their gatherings... and sometimes I have a hard time being ok with that... Idealistically, I can reason that I should be ok with not being friends with everyone and I should honor their excluding decisions... and honestly, my social circle is so large, I can't identify with one single group that gets together regularly, besides groups with obligations, or that my wonderful Husband has set up.  I'm not intentionalizing my friends...?  Do I really need to make a list of friends to intentionalize?  I'm not good at being a friend... really... I'm not consistent.  Sometimes I wonder off and fall into blackholes for months at a time, consumed with new interests.  Sometimes I forget what's important.   How to I find a good circle of friends and make a healthy, emotionally safe place there? Sometimes I don't know where I belong, and it's hard not to focus on those I've lost along the path.

Touches my soul in beautiful ways :)

A tribute to Carl Sagan and Stephen Hawking

If it's School Time, Get a new Pen!!

This was of amazing help in the brain crunching condensed Chemistry class I finished a couple weeks ago.


This takes coordinate points on the paper as you are writing and recording the lecture.
   When you are studying later, you can touch the pen to the part of notes you don't understand and listen to what you were writing as they were saying it.... The pen can down load the stored notes, and recordings and then you can then post the notes online for free, and others can click on your notes for different parts of the lecture.  Really, it's a godsend.  Good to have at meeting, if everyones ok with being recorded.
   Supposedly they have a development kit for this, and I would think the possibly apps would be unlimited, but I haven't seen much recently community wise about development on it.  I totally wish they would set up a market for selling 3rd party apps.
   The ink, and notebooks are pretty cheap for what your getting.  

Cordless Electricity?



Wasn't this what Tesla was working on?
Is this a spin off from his research?

Getting the Foundation Fixed!!!

   I got 5 different quotes for fixing the foundation of my house, and settled with a company I think I can trust, and their price is reasonable, $11,000.  They started on Monday.  Benjamin and I are staying at my parents house.  There are holes through my foundation, and tunnels under my house.  The plumber quoted me $1,800 today for more tunneling and replacing pipes.  I was afraid this number would be much higher.  This is all kinda scary, throwing large amounts of money around, but I'm happy to be getting this burden off of my shoulders.  I'm very thankful to have the support of Benjamin and my Family though this.  I can't wait to get some new carpet and move back in next week!!


Benji and I officially got engaged tonight. :)
He is such a wonderful man. I want him by my side forever and ever.

Fun with Girlfriends

I spent some time with Girlfriends this morning, and it reminded me that I gotta get my "hanging out with girls" time in on a regular basis for my Universe to be in sync.  I'm so happy to have woman friends in my life.  And I don't have a lotta experience with friends that are girls, or sustaining friendships at a consistence level of intimacy.  I am a work in progress.  My post and the wonderful responses I've received, have made me feel loved, and have helped me reflect on what my needs are.  Thanks :)

missing you

   I got invited in a Baby Shower recently and it took me by surprise.  It's been a long time since I've been invited to a baby shower, although I've had friends popping out babies right and left,  and I don't even know this pregnant lady well.  Then it hit me.  
   She is part of a community I'm new too, and within the new community, Benji and I are considered a family.  It's not a community where I've had a high profile divorce, like with the Burners, even though it's been years. 
   I guess I don't understand why getting divorced had to change  friendships when it had nothing to do with them.  I've tried not to take it personally, every time I hear of another Baby Shower or Wedding I'm not invited too.  I try to remember that one can't invite everyone to these.  I just didn't expect to be treated differently after getting divorced.  That decision didn't mean anything against the married women in the community.  I'm sorry that I asked y'all to support that relationship, and then couldn't support it myself.  Please forgive me. 
At what point do I get to shake off this past?
   I also understand that I'm not good at keeping up relationships with girlfriends.  And if that is the cause of this, then it's a reasonable one.  It's a two way street, and I can't repair it alone.
I'm sad, and I miss you.
Saving, saving, saving... to pay off debt, fix the foundation of my current home, and save to have a down payment on a future home,  and I'm making progress, but it feels like this is going to last forever, and I'm so cheap now... Our new home will be in Kaleidoscope Village, which won't be built for a year or two.  And a year or two, does indeed feel like forever.  But if we reach our goals, financially we will be in pretty good shape by then.  BTW, check out KV, and if community life is a match for you, come live with us. :)

I've been very involved in the Austin burn community for 8 years now, a 1/4th of my life.  As goes with being in any community this long, there in collect emotional land mines.  Their the sensitive spots that you never know if you'll fully work through, but you wish that you would stop surprising yourself by stumbling over them, and setting them off.  I've got 2 separate (incidents of heartbreak) land mines now and they are with beautiful, wonderful  people I wish to continue surrounding myself with.  Not personal, but situational, and my land mines none the less.  Please, forgive me if I ever unintentionally damage anyone.  Time is a generous healer.

ok, time to wake up my man and get some running on.  Anybody doing 5/10Ks on the weekends?

FaceBook Friend Requests

So, I was at lunch with a friend today, and she was like "You haven't added me as a friend on FaceBook."

So, I decided to log into facebook and do a friend adding round... and I had 97 friend requests... omg.
My negligence is out of hand.

Sorry, guys.