efffie (efffie) wrote,

missing you

   I got invited in a Baby Shower recently and it took me by surprise.  It's been a long time since I've been invited to a baby shower, although I've had friends popping out babies right and left,  and I don't even know this pregnant lady well.  Then it hit me.  
   She is part of a community I'm new too, and within the new community, Benji and I are considered a family.  It's not a community where I've had a high profile divorce, like with the Burners, even though it's been years. 
   I guess I don't understand why getting divorced had to change  friendships when it had nothing to do with them.  I've tried not to take it personally, every time I hear of another Baby Shower or Wedding I'm not invited too.  I try to remember that one can't invite everyone to these.  I just didn't expect to be treated differently after getting divorced.  That decision didn't mean anything against the married women in the community.  I'm sorry that I asked y'all to support that relationship, and then couldn't support it myself.  Please forgive me. 
At what point do I get to shake off this past?
   I also understand that I'm not good at keeping up relationships with girlfriends.  And if that is the cause of this, then it's a reasonable one.  It's a two way street, and I can't repair it alone.
I'm sad, and I miss you.

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